PHYSIOTHERAPIST STARTER KIT -- JOKE
This is a starter kit for the new and up incoming Physiotherapist. This is to be used and operated by trained professionals ONLY. There is a patent pending so please don't try and steal my idea. This is NOT to be used for outstanding or delinquent bills!
First start with restaints first because when the patient sees the tape he or she might not think this is an accredited treatment. (rope is supplied)
Second then apply some Quiet Time tape. If the Quiet Time tape doesn't acquire the desired quietness then a mild sedative can be used( a good swift hit to the side of head). Not so hard as to loosen teeth but eyes should roll back in head.
Third the Softner (a sock with $4.00 in nickels in it with a knot securing the nickels in) should be used on affected area. Start off with a mild swing to affected area and the patient should feel the soft tissue separate and soften. Mild moaning is expected. For the really deep tissue work you will need to give a really good swing. 2-3 quick ones. Some patients scream but this is why the Quiet Time tape is used. If it is NOT used some patients start to beg for this very specialized treatment to stop and cry out loud, scaring the other patients. The objective is NOT to scare patient or other patients who are waiting. Patient should be told that for every patient that leaves becasue of his or her whining and crying a $35 Out Burst charge will be added to thier bill. This is very effective.
Fourth the Electruder (a electrical cord with the 2 bare wires at end) should be used to stimulate blood flow to the affected area and help break down scar tissue. This is important because the seems to be alot of scar tissue after 3-4 treatments. The Electruder should be used with great care. Unlike the Tens machine which applies a mild electrical pulsating current that is controled by a dial on the machine the Electruder is solely controlled by the Physiotherapist. The Electruder applies a direct 110volt current to the affected area. It is IMPORTANT that the Electruder be used after the Softner because the patient should have acquired bit of sweat on the body and this helps conduct the 110volt needed to stimulate blood flow and break down that nasty scar tissue.(a small amount of water can be applied). VERY important again that the restraints MUST stay on because patients will try and grab you causing the 110volt current to go through you also. Not so good. The Electruder should always be used last because some patient pass out from the Softner's treatment and this also helps bring them around.
Patients show rapid improvement in mobility and range of motion. Not so much for pain, that should last awhile. After a few treatments the Quiet Time tape may be removed but NOT the restraints. This will increase the bill as most patients cry out scaring someone away. Even if the don't scare anyone away still add the $35 Out Burst charge to the bill because they won't know, they are in restraints and can't see the waiting room.
Playing relaxing music seems to help the process. Some use whales talking. But the sound track to the Soprano's seems to work the best. This seems to let the patient know that YOU are the professional and the you do this for a living and his or her recovery should be quick and expensive.
Putting patients on an incentive plan should help you and them. For every 2 patients that they bring in you will deduct $10 from the bill. However the Out Burst charge of $35 that you keep adding on will far out way the deduction.
SOME side effects may occur like sudden payment, showing up 10-15 min early, curling up in the fetal potition at the sound of your voice, crying constantly and fliching. Some of these side effects can be cured with an unscheduled appointment. But not all side effects are bad.
Some light bruising in the shape of small circles is to be expected because of the use of nickels but heavy bruising may reqire a trip to Mexico(for the Physiotherapist). That is God's little blind spot and this is a well used therapeutic treatment and is widely accepted as an accreted treatment. It has been used for 1000's of years in basemnets and back alleys and NOW available in Canada and USA.
--BACK--
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS JOKE ???