REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION HIGHLIGHTS -- JOKE
Tentative Schedule of Highlights of the Republican National Convention
New York, August 29-September 2, 2004
Catering Service: Halliburton • Chauffeur Service: Blackwater
Opening Night
8:00 pm Presentation of the Confederate Colors, Rush Limbaugh
8:15 pm Blessing of the Republican Party and Curse on Satanic Democrats, Reverend Franklin Graham
8:30 pm Keynote Address, Ahmed Chalabi
9:30 pm Benediction and Call to Holy War, General William Boykin
Second Night
8:00 pm Presentation of the Confederate Colors, Judge Charles Pickering
8:15 pm Pledge of Allegiance and Anointment with Crisco Oil, Attorney General John Ashcroft
8:30 pm Quadrennial Compassionate Conservatism Musical Offering of Minstrel Songs and Cakewalk
9:00 pm Speech, Condoleezza Rice
9:30 pm Speech, Colin Powell, cancelled
9:30 pm Video Tribute, Strom Thurmond
10:00 pm Presentation of Party Platform and No-Bid Contracts: Ahmed Chalabi
Third Night
8:00 pm Presentation of the Confederate Colors, Tom DeLay
8:15 pm Bush Family Tribute:
Neil Bush on Family Values
Marvin Bush on Saudi Investment Opportunities for Family Members
Jeb Bush on Fair Drug Sentencing Guidelines and Election Laws for Family Members
9:00 pm Nomination speech for George W. Bush, Ahmed Chalabi
9:30 pm Seconding speech, Brent Scowcroft, cancelled
9:35 pm Seconding speech, Paul O'Neill, cancelled
9:40 pm Seconding speech, Christie Todd Whitman, cancelled
10:00 pm Roll call of the states and counting of votes, Antonin Scalia
Closing Night
8:00 pm Presentation of the Confederate Colors Karl Rove
8:15 pm Incantation from the Platform to Open Witchcraft Trial of 9/11 Widows at Ground Zero: Richard Perle, William Kristol, Scooter Libby, Paul Wolfowitz
9:00 pm Acceptance Speech of Presidential Nominee (Joint Appearance, Not Under Oath): George W. Bush and Dick Cheney
9:30 pm Acceptance Speech of Nominee (Iraq): Ahmed Chalabi
10:00 pm Closing Prayer, Last Round and Final Bet, William Bennett
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS JOKE ???
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